I wanted to start by talking about my worst experience : school ᝰ.ᐟ

⚠️ ᴛᴡ: ʙʀɪᴇꜰ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴜɪᴄɪᴅᴇ

School: ‿̩͙⊱༒︎༻♱༺༒︎⊰‿̩͙

I’ve never really liked school. I remember back in elementary school, I used to always eat next to a trash can during recess just to hide from everyone else. After that, I managed to make some friends and things went pretty well until middle school. I didn't mention this before because I was a bit ashamed, but I’m plus-size and I really hate my body—especially my arms. So, I try my best to hide them with my clothes. But at my old middle school, we had a uniform (a white t-shirt with the school logo, and jeans or bermuda shorts). It was awful because my weight made a weird crease at my elbow, so I always kept my arms bent a little, like a rabbit. I realized it looked weird, though, so I quickly stopped doing it. Instead, I started holding onto my backpack straps to keep my arms bent. But I was always scared people would look at me weird because of it. Whenever I heard people laughing behind my back, I immediately thought they were making fun of me.

Lunch break: *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

I stopped going to the cafeteria during the second term of 6th grade, and I rarely ever went back. Instead, I’d ask my mom to come pick me up, but we lived far away, so we usually got takeout. Or I’d go eat at my grandma’s place, since she lived right next to my middle school. But sometimes, when I didn't dare tell my mom I hadn't gone to class, I’d stay locked in the bathroom for the whole break and just sit on my phone instead. Fortunately, I had a few friends to spend the break with sometimes, but other times I just couldn't bring myself to take the first step and go see them. I felt like I was bothering them, so I’d just stay in the restroom. Sometimes they’d invite me to hang out, but I’d refuse (which I regret today, honestly) because I just wanted to stay in my corner. Sometimes I’d sit on the stairs and people would always ask if I was okay. I didn't understand why, but I guess I just look weird. The teachers would also make comments like that to me—they thought I was trying to intimidate them or something (╥ ᴗ ╥).

I started to skip classes lot since then. I still had good grades but well.. this year I moved to France and a bit lost at the start of the school year I did everything to miss classes and because of that my mom recently got a warning and she risks losing her job / custody of me and my brother. I felt so guilty about it, I thought about suicide to be one less burden (maybe I'm overreacting...(╥﹏╥)) but I don't want to die like that. anyway, middle school will probably have been the worst period of my life. in my old home, they worried about me but here I feel like all they want is to keep the school's reputation intact. anyway, that's just my impression, maybe that's wrong...ᡕᠵデᡁ᠊╾━ (I made this part darker on purpose but tell me if bother you)